


Insecurities

by AndiMackmeetsHeathers



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Sequel, TJ does panic a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-12 00:37:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20162791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiMackmeetsHeathers/pseuds/AndiMackmeetsHeathers
Summary: A sequel to Choices in which TJ and Cyrus confront their feelings for each other.Insecurities.TJ could feel them suffocating him."TJ, do you have feelings for me?""You're breathing funny, TJ. I'll get you some water!""Why do you care about me so much, Cyrus?""Because I like you as more than a friend!""I'll go.""Wait, no! Stay! I need to tell you something important.""What is it?""It's about who I like. I think you'll need to hear this.""Is there anything you want to tell me?"





	Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> TW: TJ does panic in a way that could be a panic attack, if they triggers you I'm sorry and recommend you skip they part at least. 
> 
> It's a sequel to Choices. If you haven't read it, check it out! It's not the best, it's rushed but enjoy it! (:

Insecurities.

TJ could feel them suffocating him.

He was dumb. He was horrible. He was weird. 

TJ told himself sternly to stop that, immediately.  
The reason why?

Cyrus was in front of him, wide eyed. He'd heard TJ's argument with Kira. 

The whole thing. 

Which means he knew....

He knew that TJ liked him. 

TJ felt sick with fear. He knew rejection was inevitable-but why here? Why now? 

He knew he'd had a hopelessly unrequited crush on a straight guy the whole time. Still, it didn't make the moment of impact, when Cyrus would shatter his heart into a million tiny fragments, any less painful.

Despite having just told Cyrus they needed to talk, TJ ironically found himself at a complete loss for words.

"You're looking quite pale. Are you alright, TJ?" 

TJ shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was shaky.

"No, not exactly. You heard everything. Correct?" 

Cyrus nodded. 

"Correct."

TJ felt as though he was going to faint. 

"Yep, definitely not okay." TJ decided.

Cyrus squeezed his hand, sending electricity down it.

"Only tell me whatever you're comfortable telling me, whenever you're comfortable doing so." 

Cyrus turned and saw over a dozen pairs of eyes on them. He waved cheerily. 

"Hi, guys!" 

Nearly half of them ran to Cyrus, hugging him tightly.

"Cyrus! You're here! You've saved us!" 

Cyrus chuckled.

"What do you mean?" 

"Kira was horrible to us!" 

"She laughed at my name!" Atlas interjected.

"And called me pathetic!" Sam added. 

"Believe me, Sam, you're far from it." Cyrus explained to Sam. "And you're all talented and awesome as you are!" 

"Even TJ?" Lilly, one of the young girls, joked.

TJ laughed a little at that, despite himself and the predicament which he was currently situated in.

Cyrus smiled warmly. 

"Especially TJ." 

"Awww!" The kids cooed at the same time. 

Cyrus turned to TJ, anxiously. TJ looked surprised at the compliment, almost startled, in fact.

"He's like a superhero!" Mikey exclaimed. 

"He is a superhero! He stood up to Kira and defended you and even me. I couldn't be more grateful to have somebody like him in my life!" 

All of the kids went wild again.

Cyrus frowned as he glanced over at TJ. He was still silent. Had Cyrus done something wrong? Had he misinterpreted the situation, perhaps?

Cyrus felt himself begin to sweat, out of anxiety. Okay, so he'd definitely done something wrong, hadn't he? 

"I can leave, if you want. I turned up uninvited and misinterpreted the situation. I understand. You don't want me here. I'm sorry."

"No! No! Don't go! Don't leave me, please! I just...need to take a moment, and...I'm not sure. I'm just scared." 

"Why would you be scared?" 

Cyrus was genuinely confused. He was the least scary person he knew. Why would TJ Kippen, of all people, be scared around him?

"Uh...it's difficult to explain." 

"Only do so in your own time." 

TJ nodded and Cyrus turned to the children in front of him, his heart beating fast at the possibility of his crush liking him back. 

"Hey, kids. So, tell me, was she any fun?" 

"She was awesome on the skipping ropes." Zeke began. "Better than you, but not as interesting. And she didn't like the swing song or the slide song!" 

Cyrus sighed.

"That wouldn't surprise me. She doesn't like me that much." 

"Why not?" 

"She doesn't like my friend, Buffy. But I have a feeling it might be something else, too." Cyrus glanced over at TJ.

TJ stared at the floor, his eyes welling up and his cheeks on fire. He hated confrontation. This was not going to be easy, to say the least.

"We did hula hooping with her, too!" Danny, a dark haired little boy who was friends with Sam, informed Cyrus enthusiastically. "And TJ joined in!" 

"He did?" 

Well, today was just full of surprises, wasn't it? 

"Yeah! He was super awesome at it, right, TJ? You were, weren't you?" 

TJ scratched the back of his neck self consciously. 

"Oh, I don't know about that...." He muttered modestly. 

"Hey! You're talented, TJ. Don't ever doubt that." 

"Thanks, Cyrus. I appreciate it." 

They both shared a look, the kind of look that said all of the unspoken words for them. They were having a Moment. 

Wow. Had TJ's eyes always had those stunning golden flecks in them? 

Damn. Why did TJ always feel like he was drowning in those gorgeous eyes? 

TJ bit his lip anxiously, slightly more confident about admitting his crush on Cyrus to him but still reluctant to all the same.

"Just kiss already!" Mikey called out. 

The others nodded and yelled in agreement.

TJ shook his head. 

"Don't be silly. We need to talk things out first." 

"But it appears that he isn't ready to, yet..." Cyrus pointed out, sounding almost hurt by this. 

TJ sighed, his heart aching with longing. Cyrus was so perfect and amazing. TJ didn't deserve him. And now, he could be about to lose him, forever.

That hurt more than anything else ever could.

"I'll cut to the chase, shall I?" Cyrus challenged, knocking TJ completely off guard. 

He nodded, resigned to the fact that his crush would never be requited. Maybe the look had meant something. Then again, TJ was probably deluding himself, anyway. 

"Sure. Go for it." TJ responded, sounding broken and utterly defeated. 

Why did he do that? Why did he admit his feelings for Cyrus to Kira? He couldn't even trust her. She was probably going to out TJ to the entire school. And be could face losing Cyrus. Why had he been silent? Why was he like this?

Cyrus fidgeted a little, attempting to get the words out. Yet, they kept getting stuck in his throat, somehow. He was never usually like this. He supposed that TJ had made him that way. Truth be told, he didn't want to scare TJ off. Especially if he'd got the wrong idea. He probably had. Who would fancy Cyrus Goodman? He was only a loser. No doubt he'd only heard what he had wanted to hear, to shape things into his version of reality. It was a common issue; a lot of humans did it, Cyrus included. Sure, TJ liked him in his wildest dreams, but not in reality.

Never in reality, right? 

Right?

Look, Cyrus reasoned with himself. Just come out with it, and if he says he doesn't actually have feelings for you, leave immediately. 

Cyrus took a deep breath, and all the courage he had, before speaking.

"TJ, do you have feelings for me?" 

TJ's eyes widened, as though he hadn't been anticipating the question. He had, of course. It was just a shock to hear them out loud.

"I-" 

TJ had gone really pale, Cyrus noted with concern. Perhaps he was still scared? 

But what was he so scared of? 

"TJ, you're breathing funny. I'll get you some water." 

"No, stay!" 

"Fine." Cyrus turned to the girl nearest to him. "Alicia, go fetch TJ a water bottle from the stock cupboard. You know where I mean, don't you?" 

Alicia nodded and ran off. The kids began surrounding TJ, but Cyrus shooed them away. 

"That will only make it worse." Cyrus informed them in a measured, matter of fact tone. "I should know. I've been through this myself, as has one of my other best friends. And my parents are shrinks." 

Obediently, they backed off, and Cyrus approached TJ tentatively. 

"Okay, TJ, listen to me, take a deep breath. In, and out. In, and out. Like this, see? Your breathing has to match mine. In, and out. In, and out. There we go, you've got the hang of it! Keep going! You're doing really well, TJ." 

TJ squeezed his eyes shut.

"The world's coming down all around me..." 

"Hey, no it isn't, not if you breathe, in and out. Do you need a stress ball or anything?" 

TJ shook his head, stubborn as ever.

"Alright, the let me take your hand, at least. That's it. I'm only trying to reassure you that everything will be fine. And it will. I promise. You're safe, TJ. You're safe." 

They breathed deeply together, the background noise of the chattering children fading away behind them. 

Alicia returned with the water. Cyrus patted her on the shoulder as a reward for this.

"Good girl. Thank you, so much." 

Cyrus opened the bottle and asked TJ to drink out of it. TJ obliged, a little embarrassed.

After a few minutes, TJ had recovered well enough to be able to speak.

"I'm sorry." 

"No, don't apologise. Never apologise when something like that happens. It isn't your fault. It's never your fault and besides, I know exactly how you feel." 

TJ snapped his eyes open in surprise.

"You do?" 

"Yeah. I suffer from panic attacks. They're terrifying, I know, but they're soon over with."

"Well, you can always talk to me about these things, Cyrus." 

"You too, TJ. You too." 

"Thanks, Underdog. For everything." 

"Any time, Teej. I'm always here for you if you need me. It's what friends are for, after all." 

TJ noticed the way their hands were still entwined and decided to belatedly address the elephant in the room. Cyrus cared about him, so much, and he simply desired to know why.

"Why do you care about me so much, Cyrus?" 

Cyrus had practically reached bursting point and needed to spill his heart to TJ. So, in a burst of courage and frustration (at himself for not telling TJ about his crush on him sooner), that's exactly what he did.

"Because I like you as more than a friend!" 

Cyrus gasped and clapped his hands over his face in the realization of what he's just announced. The kids clapped and TJ was silent. Oh no. That wasn't good. 

TJ couldn't believe it. His crush, Cyrus Goodman, liked him back. It was the stuff of his fantasies, his dreams. Not his reality. Yet, Cyrus had just dropped this massive bombshell on him. He was honestly shocked. Was this real or just a dream? 

TJ pinched himself and winced. Definitely real.

Cyrus, meanwhile, looked terrified. TJ thought that Cyrus knew about TJ liking him. So why was he reacting like that? He didn't understand. 

"I'll go." 

Cyrus should have known he'd mistaken what TJ had said. He always had been an imaginative guy, after all. He should probably leave TJ alone to avoid making him feel uncomfortable. He got up and began to walk towards the door.

This soon woke TJ up from his daydream-like trance. 

He panicked again. Cyrus couldn't leave without TJ admitting his feelings for him at this point. He just couldn't. 

"Wait, no! Stay! I need to tell you something important." 

"What is it?" 

"It's about who I like. I think you'll need to hear this."

Cyrus nodded solemnly and sat down on a gym may, opposite of TJ, who ran his fingers through his hair before speaking.

"Look, it's just-I don't know." 

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" Cyrus coaxed, gently.

TJ put his head in his hands. He was a disaster. This was so difficult. Why was this so difficult? Cyrus could do this with ease. Why couldn't he?

He decided it would be best if he didn't jump into it straight away. Cyrus has heard his conversation-if it could even be called that-with Kira. He deserved to know the truth about the situation, first and foremost. And it did link to TJ having a crush on Cyrus, so there was no escaping that.

Good. Cyrus deserved nothing less than the truth. 

TJ took a deep breath, and began.

"You know on Costume Day?" 

Cyrus nodded. 

"I do, yes. When you rejected me for her." 

TJ flinched, feeling guilty. He should have never let Cyrus down like that. Still, he was good at that, wasn't he? 

Classic TJ. Anything good, he had to ruin it, didn't he?

"And I'm sorry for that. I'll always regret that, you know. I'll never forgive myself; the look on your face...it broke my heart. But I had a valid reason for it, I swear."

"You did? I'd quite like to hear it." 

"I did. Kira said something that got into my head and I guess they hit my Achilles heel, they triggered my deepest insecurities."

"About what?" 

"My sexuality. She made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. She told me 'so, you'd rather do a costume with me than with Cyrus? Okay, have fun with that.'"

Cyrus frowned.

"I don't get it. What about that sentence riled you up enough to change your mind and trigger your insecurities?" 

"She subtly implied that it was weird that I'd rather do a couple's costume with a boy, than with a girl-and she'd seen our previous interactions when I introduced the two of you, remember?" Cyrus nodded, muttering 'yeah' too quietly for TJ to hear.

TJ continued, his eyes beginning to become watery.

"She made me feel weird...different. Just for being who I am. She basically threatened to out me to the school, and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want my reputation to be ruined by homophobes-a few of the guys on my basketball team are friends with some real jerks. And I didn't want to jeopardize my place on the team. It means a lot to me." TJ looked Cyrus right in the eye. "You mean a lot to me, though. I never meant to hurt you, and I'm really sorry. She used my crush on you against me and manipulated me to hang out with her. It was terrifying."

Cyrus stared at TJ. Why would someone do that? 

"That's horrible. Nobody deserves to have that looming over them. I'm glad you got rid of her." 

TJ grinned, relieved. 

"Me too." 

"And us!" One kid piped up. Everyone laughed at this, including TJ and Cyrus.

"And, about your crush on me-you should have spoken up. Why didn't you?" 

TJ shrugged, sudden shy again. 

"I dreaded telling you. I thought you were straight." 

"I'm about as straight as a circle, TJ." 

"I realize that now. I also wondered why anyone would ever want to date me-I thought I was a mean person, or that I was an embarrassment. I don't deserve you, Cyrus, and I was fully aware of it."

Cyrus grabbed TJ's hand and squeezed it in what he hoped was a comforting way. His voice was soft when he spoke.

"Don't think those things about yourself, TJ. You're amazing, and I'd love to date you." 

TJ's head shot up.

"You would?" 

"Of course. And, if anything, I don't deserve you." 

"How?" 

"Are you serious? Have you seen me? I'm a mess, a dorky loser who nobody cares about." 

TJ lifted Cyrus' chin up, so that their eyes were level with each other's.

"Look at me, Cyrus I care about you." TJ whispered gently.

"You do?" 

"I always have done and I always will do." 

"So, will you date me?" Cyrus proposed, everything still feeling surreal to him. 

"Yes. Of course." TJ responded. "A million times yes, Cyrus."

That being said, TJ leaned forward and kissed Cyrus. 

After the initial shock of registering the kiss, Cyrus kissed TJ back. TJ's lips were soft and warm. TJ could feel fireworks and electricity forming between them . This felt perfect. This felt natural. This felt like home.

Cyrus felt more excited and happier than he ever had. This was, without a doubt, the best day of his life. And TJ certainly felt the same way. 

Admittedly, it wasn't the most romantic place for their first kiss, in a children's gym, but they were both incredibly happy. 

To them, that would be enough. 

That would be more enough. 

It would be just perfect.

This wasn't their happy fairy tale ending. For them, it was just beginning.

And that was the most exciting thing of all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hid a Hamilton song title at the end by the way! Hope you liked it! Please feel free to leave a comment if this so much as made you smile! Have a good day! (:


End file.
